Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

I bought a candle. The label said, “Fig-Olive”, which sounds like rather a revolting combination, but actually smells quite good. These, however, may not.

1. “The Toronto” A tantalizing combination of raccoon musk and overturned garbage can
2. Last Year’s Yogurt
3. “CSI” Experience forensic science in 8 and 10 inch tapers
4. Burnt broccoli-melting styrofoam
5. Unwashed Mawashi
6. $2 Whore
7. Wet Dog fur. Nuff said
8. “The Bender” Tom Waits’ breath after a two week drinking binge
9. Campground outhouse
10. State Fair Petting Zoo

1. Nude clown orgies
2. Goat oil-wrestling
3. Snacktime with Michael Jackson
4. Republican boner contest
5. Goatse ability
6. Jack Ozbourne-Paris Hilton lovefest
7. Projectile Leprosy plague
8. All Sims women become Ann Coulter
9. My Albanian neighbors
10. Yanni soundtrack

Today I felt old for the first time. No, I’m not getting creaky bones, or wrinkles or even moving slower than I did in my 20s.

I discovered …

a …

white …

chest hair.

Shoot me now.