Caption Time #56
Archive for May, 2005
Note to Self, No. 5,599
I will not leave Sharpies in my pockets on laundry day. I will not leave Sharpies in my pockets on laundry day. I will not leave Sharpies in my pockets on laundry day. I will not leave Sharpies in my pockets on laundry day. I will not leave Sharpies in my pockets on laundry day…
SEHAITT
I know. That’s one sexy paint job. And the JC sticker? Could this be Baby Jebus’ own ride? My favorite part is the prominently displayed temporary paper license plate. Just two more payments of $1.06 and this baby’s all paid for. The “real” plate below is actually made from several chopped up plates taped together. Each letter was taken from someone else’s plate. I’m sure it was perfectly legal.
Taste the friendly skies
Some among us are fated to spend our airline hours trapped between the blinding light of the window seat and the searing, fetid breath of the fat, wheezing man in the aisle seat. I am one so fated.
His wheezing was the typical sort one would expect from an asthmatic charged with sprinting up 17 flights of stairs with an armload of fresh firewood. However he was in full slovenly recline and the wheezing showed no signs of letting up.
Let me share with you, my breakfast. First class is still afforded a meal of sorts. We, the elite, gold-card, world-perk havin’ travelers were offered a breakfast sandwich, which we were led to believe would be—in some way—edible.
It was my understanding that a sandwich should contain at least two slices of bread (or a wrap), and a safe, nontoxic filling. Northwest Airlines has other opinions on this. Theirs is prepared according to a precise medieval recipe for poisoning stepmothers.
The Secret Recipe
Two pieces of stale Wonderbread™ are frugally stuffed with yellow reindeer moss disguised as scrambled eggs. The moss is heated to a moderate burn as diced, green Legos™ are liberally sprinkled in for color.
Then there’s the fruit plate. It is a miracle of culinary science that pineapple chunks can be made to taste like Arctic cod, but our chefs at Northwest have mastered the secret. Kudos to you, NWA!
