Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

When I die, one of my proudest accomplishments in life will have been knowing I was the only person on Flickr with a photo tagged as Moosepants.

(Thank you Natalie for the genius that is moosepants)

If I had a pet snail, I would feed him Chiclets. His name would be Stumpy McSpeedybottom. Unless it was a girl snail. Then I would name her Ben.

He would wake me up every day at 6am for his morning crawl. We would read the newspaper together and I would wipe the slime from page 3A.

In our retirement days, I would stare at the sun until my eyes had blue dots in front of them and his eye stalks dried out. Then we’d share one final ice cream and I’d pour salt on him and watch him quiver and die.

Pope Ratzinger’s critics have dubbed him, “God’s ________.”