Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

Despite all the men’s washrooms being on the left side of the building at work, the next time you enter one and notice a curious lack of urinals, back out quickly.

“If I had on a new pair of moosepants, I’d be ready to ________.”

• Freak No. 1: I heared about the China folks making all the t-shirts in China for the US of A.
• Freak No. 2: What?
• Freak No. 1: I said I was listening to NPR. They had this thing about China. They make all the t-shirts for th’ US of A now. All of em.
• Freak No. 2: For real?
• Freak No. 1: Oh yeah. This guy says, he says, “My wife work at the Wal-Marts and we is looking through the t-shirts tags and they all says Made in China, Made in Mexico. Oh, and this one British guy makes a lot, too.
• Freak No. 2: What British guy?
• Freak No. 1: Sir Lanka.
• Freak No. 2: You dumb fuck. SRI Lanka.
• Freak No. 1: Hey, fuck you. It’s Sir Lanka. He said so. On EN-PEE-ARE. You need a book.
• Freak No. 2: You need a map.

[To Freak No. 1’s credit, I heard the same broadcast and the man did indeed say “Sir Lanka”]

1. A webcam
2. Weapons of Mass Destruction
3. A tie-dyed poodle
4. The Holy Grail
5. Fermat’s Theorum
6. The Secret of Nimh
7. Jimmy Hoffa’s finger
8. Rosie O’Donell’s Flickr Account
9. A rectal thermometer
10. Wendy

Thanks to Larfus for suggesting the topic.

Try to remember that “a little bit” and “extra” are relative terms and some people have different ideas about what they entail. At Subway, “a little bit” of mayonnaise apparently means “1.2 quarts” and “extra” jalapeños means “enough capsacin to choke a Mexican short order cook”.