Archive for March, 2005
Complete this sentence #20
“The way to a man’s _______ is through his _______ .”
Victoria’s Secret Holding Tank for Men
When men take women to shop for lingerie, there’s one small problem. While you’re off in your cramped changing room, slipping into your flimsy underthings, we have to stay outside and look natural. As any man can attest to, this is no small feat. Try putting your hands in your front pockets in a crowded Victoria’s Secret sometime and see what kind of looks you get from other women. And security.
I myself would not mind waiting, if it were not for this temporary discomfiture. However, knowing I may soon be seeing my lovely woman in less fabric than it takes to swaddle a June Bug is certainly worth the embarrassment.
I believe men should be offered a waiting area with a coffee bar, perhaps a few video screens showcasing the better changing rooms. That being impossible, there is one thing my fellow men should be aware of: Your chances with her after you’ve paid for said lingerie. How does one decipher the female mind? Don’t bother. Instead, read the unwritten signals. The type of lingerie she purchases in front of you is a spot-on indicator of what she wants.
- Lacy hot pants: A good spanking
- Flannel pajamas: Snuggling in front of a warm fire
- Granny briefs: Try again in five days
- Silk robe: All day in bed
- G-string: Wild animal sex. Crutches for the following morning sold separately
- Terry cloth robe: Forced to watch Sleepless in Seattle
- Plain, white cotton bikinis: Missionary. Once. Lights off.
- Pajama bottoms only: Boobies!
- Boy briefs: Did I mention that I’m fucking your best friend, too?
- Imitation lingerie from Sears that you grabbed while buying a table saw: Sleeping bag on the couch. Alone.
