Fries with that?

31 March, 2005 Latest: Ice Queen, Princess Carmen, Mandy, JFLY, wookiee,

It was the third Wednesday of the month and that meant the department was having its monthly lunch at the Boobatorium. It isn’t really called that. It’s sort of a poor man’s Hooters. The typical sports bar you’d see in any town, except that the waitresses wear less than many swimsuit models.

Our waitress’s breasts seemed intent on leaving the confines of their flimsy fortress of fabric. Every time she bent over to leave a straw or napkin, she would intentionally press her arms together, forcing her breasts to smash and protrude like twin loaves of dough rising from inseparable pans. She was really working her tip. So to speak.

When lunch arrived, her left breast saw the chance to escape and took it. Seeing several plates of food running up the length of her arm, it burst forth from of her skimpy, orange t-shirt and landed in a plate of under-cooked French fries. There it rested until it reached the table.

Seeing fifty pairs of astonished eyes, the breast quickly became self-aware and attempted a hasty retreat. In actuality, it was shoved back in place by three slender fingertips, each clad in fuschia nail polish and tiny murals that included palm trees, neon and miniscule parrots.

Needless to say, the fries went uneaten.

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39 comments:

  1. Esther, 31, March 2005, 0:37 |  
    Esther

    I’ve been trying to eat less fries (and fried food in general) lately, and I think this story will help immensely with my endeavors.:dead:

     
  2. Joe, 31, March 2005, 0:54 |  

    i had a similar situation happen to me but it involved a oversized man instead of a busty woman :limp:

     
  3. Bente, 31, March 2005, 1:30 |  

    Oh yuck, I can’t believe she didn’t even offer new fries. :wtf:

     
  4. Anna, 31, March 2005, 1:43 |  
    Anna

    I just got one word HYPOCRITS!!! (did I spell that okay??) Any other chance you get, you (and by “you” I mean the entire hetero male population) want to suck, lick, pinch, bite, fondle, smash or ogle the :boobs::boobs:. And now you won’t even eat the fries that touches them?

     
  5. Lung the Younger, 31, March 2005, 2:48 |  

    I kinda agree with Anna here. To be honest it’s the not thought of the fries that puts me off but the idea of a greasy, fries-smelling breast.

    By the way, WBMC seems a little racist and sexist to me…they don’t seem to allow Greek women to compete.

     
  6. Kirk, 31, March 2005, 3:28 |  

    Dave I’m proud of you…..you seemed more intent on looking at the details of here fingernails than the details of her nip!

    The undercooked fries would have been fine if they were drenched in ketchup/catsup. It’s an all purpose sanitizer! It killed the taste of my mother’s bad cooking for years!

     
  7. wantwit, 31, March 2005, 5:36 |  

    I don’t believe this happened at all.

     
  8. Davezilla, 31, March 2005, 6:44 |  
    Davezilla

    Anna, it’s not being hypoctical at all. Americans are germophobes. Having anyone’s sweaty skin touching their food is grounds for an immediate lawsuit. Someone must pay for the outrage! :razz:

     
  9. Andy M, 31, March 2005, 7:06 |  

    I happily eat fod off my girlfriends :boobs::boobs:

    Hardly something to shun away from. Then again I would also be worried if it was a stranger with nails as descirbed.:limp:

     
  10. Nikki, 31, March 2005, 7:13 |  
    Nikki

    It’d be different if she’d dipped her :boobs: in ketchup first.

     
  11. Bente, 31, March 2005, 7:48 |  

    Anna I hardly find it strange that even a hetero male wouldn’t eat the fries, it’s just disgusting.

     
  12. Bente, 31, March 2005, 7:50 |  

    Why on earth do / keep coming up for me in words like it’s…it doesn’t happen on the screen I type in…

     
  13. Anna, 31, March 2005, 8:00 |  
    Anna

    Still don’t get it. What is so terrible about eating those fries … French kissing someone you hardly know sounds more yucky, unprotected intercourse (Gosh I said that really nice), picking your nose, cleaning up poopie baby-butts … just a :boobs:. In any other context you’d drool over it/them.

     
  14. CJ, 31, March 2005, 8:40 |  

    I have to agree with Anna

     
  15. Esther, 31, March 2005, 9:26 |  
    Esther

    Sorry Anna, but I think I’m going to have to side with the germophobic males here.

    First off, this place sounds like it is klassy with a capital ‘K’. I’d be suspect of the food, let alone some strange woman’s :boobs::boobs:.

    Second, for me, that :boobs: would be the equivalent of Colin Farrell’s :wang:. I don’t know where the hell that thing’s been. For all you know, the fry cook could have had it in his mouth a few minutes before, or maybe it accidentally found it’s way into the dishwasher’s rum and coke. Mmmm. Yep, that’s what I want near my food.:dead:

    Not to mention that sometimes, some :boobs::boobs: do secrete Lord knows what (discounting breast milk). Again, I don’t know, I don’t wanna know, and I sure don’t want it anywhere near the kitchen.:wtf:

    Last, but not least, who the hell wants to eat undercooked fries? Even if the :boobs: hadn’t flopped onto the plate like some trout on a fisherman’s hook, I would have sent them back post haste, and knock those off of the bill, while you’re at it, toots.:kiss:

     
  16. Fran, 31, March 2005, 9:39 |  
    Fran

    :boobs::boobs:

    You should boycott the place waving signs that read:

    No boobies! No peace! No boobies! No peace!

    Or should that read “no piece” :roll:

     
  17. theMike, 31, March 2005, 10:08 |  

    At first I thought :wang:, but then I really thought about what you had said. On your fries? That is disgusting what with all of the breast sweat and all. :sad:

     
  18. Spud, 31, March 2005, 10:15 |  
    Spud

    I thought it was funny as hell, plus I was wondering when the second :boobs: found it’s way to break free.

    :grin:

     
  19. Merth, 31, March 2005, 10:21 |  
    Merth

    The better question is… Dave, why are you eating greasy nasty fries anyway?

    The boob did you a favor. Your arteries will thank you later.

     
  20. rust, 31, March 2005, 10:25 |  
    rust

    I don’t see what the fuss is all about… I mean, it’s not like she had just been titty-f*cked — and I imagine she would be a good candidate for it.

    I vote “EAT THE FRIES” with extra ketchup!

     :boobs::wang::boobs:
     
  21. Ice Queen, 31, March 2005, 10:40 |  

    “I asked for frites, not teats!”

     
  22. Davezilla, 31, March 2005, 10:41 |  
    Davezilla

    Dave, why are you eating greasy nasty fries anyway? I should have clarified. I did not order fries. I had a vegetable pita melt thing. The vegetables were of undeterminate species. If I had to guess, I would assume lawn clippings.

    And yes, Esther. They put the ass in Klassy.

     
  23. CJ, 31, March 2005, 12:49 |  

    The :boobs: in your fries is better than the cook in the back who didn’t wash his hands. You saw the :boobs: Did she look skanky? then sure it would be a problem.

     
  24. Davezilla, 31, March 2005, 12:53 |  
    Davezilla

    Did she look skanky? Please re-read description of fingernails and decide for yourself. :razz:

     
  25. CJ, 31, March 2005, 13:05 |  

    OK I Missed the murals of palm trees and such. Thankfully they were not your fries and you got to see:boobs: SOunds like win-win for Davezilla

     
  26. Princess Carmen, 31, March 2005, 16:10 |  

    EW. to the place, the boobs and the nails.

     
  27. Merth, 31, March 2005, 16:27 |  
    Merth

    You know Dave… most places charge you $50 for a bare breast to rub your french fry. Never lick a gift boob in the… err… never look a gift whore in the… ack! Nevermind…. :razz:

     
  28. Mandy, 31, March 2005, 16:42 |  
    Mandy

    Merth, did you mean “Never lick a gift whore in the mouth”? Agreed! :kiss:

     
  29. JFLY, 31, March 2005, 19:25 |  
    JFLY

    Sorry, Dave. I’ll be more careful in the future… :grin:

     
  30. Spud, 31, March 2005, 20:40 |  
    Spud

    … or anywhere else…

    :!:

     
  31. Davezilla, 31, March 2005, 21:07 |  
    Davezilla

    Were those your :boobs::boobs:, JFLY?

     
  32. JFLY, 31, March 2005, 21:52 |  
    JFLY

    Dave, If they were my :boobs::boobs: - I would’ve rested them on a nice cool salad, with ranch dressing & croutons. :razz:

     
  33. JFLY, 31, March 2005, 21:57 |  
    JFLY

    Or maybe a warm gooey cheese pizza…

     
  34. Esther, 31, March 2005, 22:47 |  
    Esther

    :wtf:

     
  35. JFLY, 31, March 2005, 23:32 |  
    JFLY

    Esther - I’m joking. Everyone knows Dave’s boots are the best place…:razz:

     
  36. Davezilla, 1, April 2005, 7:06 |  
    Davezilla

    I thought my boots felt awfully soft inside.

     
  37. wookiee, 1, April 2005, 15:55 |  

    It is absurd that this post came with no pictures.

     
  38. Davezilla, 1, April 2005, 16:35 |  
    Davezilla

    Good point, wookiee. I will try to get her to recreate the crime on cam for us. :boobs:

     
  39. Spud, 1, April 2005, 19:06 |  
    Spud

    You could reconstruct the scene with, say a stand in model to demonstrate the appropriate boobie action.

    Volunteers??

    anyone?

    anyone??