Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

It’s not terribly uncommon for persons of either gender to possess a third nipple. What is uncommon is having the extraneous areola appear in the expected location. Often they are to be found on knees, thighs or shoulder-blades. While neither Natalie (yes, she’s finally updated) nor I can claim ownership of a vestigial nipple, we spent an interesting hour pondering the worst possible locations to have one.

1. On an eyelid
2. Crown of a molar
3. Attached to the cochlea
4. On someone else’s chest
5. Under a fingernail
6. Hanging from an eyelash
7. On your voice
8. On your dog
9. On the soul
10. On the end of another nipple

Where would you hate to have your third nipple?

Back in the 1980s when it seemed every major city had a goth club called “Asylum” or “Sanctuary”, there was an upsurge in singles bars for yuppies. Most had catchy, but annoying, two-syllable names like, “Scruples” or “Mixers” or “Wombats”. Recently, specialty clubs for special needs groups have popped up around the world. I imagine they’d have names like …

1. Distractions: For singles with A.D.D.
2. Twitches: The meeting place for singles with Tourette Syndrome.
3. Wheezer’s: Where well-to-do asthmatics mingle.
4. Poseurs: The place for aging new wavers.
5. Stumpy’s: Serving the single amputee since 1982.
6. Trekkies! for the permanently single.
7. Doody’s: A continental dining experience for the incontinent.
8. Mullets: A NASCAR singles bar.
9. Stanky’s: Where the great unwashed masses mingle
10. Furries Place for Pervies

Your Top Searches:

There were 18 searches for the week ending 01/29/05 for Davezilla at http://www.davezilla.com/.
Here are the top phrases searched:

• 12 for “davezillas penis”
• 1 for “goalie”
• 1 for “blogger pussys”
• 1 for “rey mysterio”
• 1 for “dave s penis on cam”
• 1 for “davezilla s penis”
• 1 for “hockey”
• 1 for “hockey icons”
• 1 for “panty or panties”
• 1 for “thong”

Is there something I need to know?

“Just what makes you think I’ve got a _______ in my _______ ?”

I guess I should have used a capital four. I showed this error message to my coworker Jim. He told me to imagine if Yahoo extended the map’s “assumption” feature to their search:

1. We assumed you meant transvestites, not transmissions.
2. We assumed you meant was, not was.
3. We assumed you meant Paris, France, not Paris Hilton.
4. We assumed you meant bikinis, not briefs.
5. We assumed you meant progress, not Congress.
6. We assumed you meant rudimentary, not Rudy Giuliani.
7. We assumed you meant software, not underwear.
8. We assumed you meant prawn, not pr0n.
9. We assumed you meant Spanish Fly, not spinach.
10. We assumed you meant tank of eels, not Tanqueray.