A day in the life of God

Posted by Davezilla 18 February, 2005 Latest: rust, God, TinaMarie, SomethingWitty, God (Ethanael),

4:30 AM Alarm goes off. Hit snooze twice.

4:48 AM Drag feet out of bed. Trip over Catholic martyrs who have been groveling at feet all night.

4:51 AM Wait for morning erection to subside.

4:59 AM Take a pee over North America. Giggle as Canadians mistake it for acid rain again.

5:12 AM Take shower. Runoff water floods small Pacific Island. Oops.

6:02 AM Scrub back with a 90 foot loofah. Skin flakes fall over starving Ethiopians who mistake them for manna.

8:33 AM Got the hiccups. Americans mistakenly assume the sound is from North Korean bomb tests and send a pre-emptive strike on Kim Jong Il.

12:30 PM Went out for sushi. Had 6 Blue Whale Rolls and Giant Squid Sashimi.

2:14 PM Moved some Cretaceous fossils to the Devonian strata to mess with the paleontologists again. April Fools!

5:10 PM Overheard skeptics doubting my existence again. Decide to appear in a cloud over St. Petersburg and on a piece of roti in New Delhi.

6:19 PM Still peeved about skeptics. Create only one specimen of a new species of talking jellyfish. Place it in poor fisherman’s net. Arrange for it to die five minutes before camera crews arrive.

8:59 PM Write a new “missing gospel” and bury it in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

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21 comments:

  1. Spud, 18, February 2005, 1:35 |  

    Jesus Mary & Joeseph! whatever will the neighbours think?

     
  2. Mandy, 18, February 2005, 6:59 |  

    Thank [god] he didn’t scratch his balls :???:

     
  3. Wil, 18, February 2005, 7:22 |  

    “Moved some Cretaceous fossils to the Devonian strata to mess with the paleontologists again.”
    Brilliant, Dave.

     
  4. Nikki, 18, February 2005, 7:23 |  

    9:03pm Afternoon sushi causing late evening flatulence. Gas causes stir in atlantic resulting in hurricanes that wipe out the entire state of Florida.

     
  5. Merth, 18, February 2005, 9:09 |  

    8:00 PM Poker Night with Buddha, Allah, Yaweh, Jim Jones, and David Koresh. :dead:

    :java:

     
  6. Poofles, 18, February 2005, 9:11 |  

    :grin: Merth! that was awesome!

     
  7. ladybug, 18, February 2005, 10:16 |  

    ummm…only problem i see is that women don’t have morning erections

     
  8. Davezilla, 18, February 2005, 10:20 |  

    Oh I wasn’t writing about REAL God, Ladybug; just the cartoon version in the OT.

     
  9. CJ, 18, February 2005, 11:37 |  

    11:05 A.M. Saturday— Send Jehovah Witnesses by Dave’s Place. Have a good laugh

     
  10. Nikki, 18, February 2005, 12:35 |  

    Two snaps for ladybug. :java:

     
  11. CJ, 18, February 2005, 12:50 |  

    In response to Ladybugs comment about women don’t have mornig erections. I agree especially the ugly ones.

     
  12. mikeB, 18, February 2005, 14:26 |  

    12:10 Take a dump. California sinks into the Pacific. :dead:

     
  13. Esther, 18, February 2005, 15:14 |  

    Word up, ladybug.:kiss:

     
  14. Blue, 18, February 2005, 16:42 |  

    That was brilliant! I give that post :undies::undies::undies::undies::undies:

    :lol:

    Blue

     
  15. rust, 18, February 2005, 16:50 |  

    Just like me, the Almighty just doesn’t have time to take a dump…

    :twisted:

     
  16. God, 18, February 2005, 20:15 |  

    Jaysus Christ! That was fucken hilarious!

     
  17. Davezilla, 18, February 2005, 21:55 |  

    Heh. I figured God would be Irish. :razz:

     
  18. TinaMarie, 18, February 2005, 21:57 |  

    Wonder what God does between 8:33am and 12:30pm?

    He watches Maury Povich, Montel Williams, and Jerry Springer.

    Proof positive that God has a sense of humor.

     
  19. SomethingWitty, 19, February 2005, 2:39 |  

    The other day a friend of mine said “if god exists he’s a motherfucker” …i tend to agree

     
  20. Spud, 19, February 2005, 4:03 |  

    It was pretty bloody funny anyhow.

    7 vstars Dave

    :grin:

     
  21. God (Ethanael), 27, February 2005, 12:19 |  

    Whacking off in the ocean and laughing as people thought it was a new sea bacteria. That’s what I was doing between 8:33 and 12:30.