Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

Is it me, or are the blondes having trouble with this task?

[ Scene: Coffeehouse counter, two 9th grade girls are flirting with the barista, a man as gay as a French Horn ]

Girl #1: “Can you believe this? She [ points to Girl #2 ] isn’t even wearing underpants and it’s like um, fucking minus a hundred?”
Girl #2: “I fuckin’ never wear panties. Shit, no. They’re so … confining. Y’know? See? No tanlines. [ Girl #2 actually pulled down her camo cargo pants, flashing underage girly bits to an apathetic coffeehouse. I was one of only two patrons that seemed horrified. ]
Barista: “Uh huh, very sexy.”
Girl #2: Dooooood! I fuckin’ never wear panties. You should see me at parties. I be showing my ass all over da class.”
Girl #1: “She does. I seen her.”
Girl #2: “Remember when we like, made out last Friday?”
Barista: [ raises an eyebrow ] “You two don’t seem like sisters to me.”
Girl #1: “We’re not even related dude. Ha! We don’t even look alike.”
Barista: “That’s not what I meant by sisters, kiddo.”
Girl #1: “Do not fucking call me kiddo.”
Barista: “Whatever you say, Ellie Mae.”
Girl #1: “I got my black thong on. Wanna see? [ turning to the entire room, grinning and preparing to unzip ]
Barista: “Not particularly.”
Girl #1: “Why not? You checked out her junk.”
Barista: “[ sigh ] I don’t date girls, OK? Hello? Gay? Earth to twelve year-olds!”
Girl #1: “Dude. Shu’th’fuckup! You’re a butt pirate?”
Girl #2: “Shhhhh! You’re too cute to be gay.”
Barista: “No, I’m too cute to be straight.”
Girl #1: “Gross. I’m sooooo outta here.”
Girl #2: “Dude, I just showed my pussy to a fag.”

I found out about this image via the lovely Nikki, and it made me so happy. From now on, I will only frequent establishments that proudly display this sign. Original image taken by Davin at Low Resolution