Apologies to the three seven readers whose comments were swallowed up by my new Spam plugin. It’s apparently a little too overzealous. I have switched back to the old Blacklist until I can figure out how to tame this beast. It seemed to be killing every comment with an emoticon, mistaking them for the nonsense punctuation that spammers and crapflooders use.
—The Management
DISCLAIMER: Before you scratch your head or send me hate mail, please note that this is a fake interview. The answers were created by rearranging the letters in Paris Hilton [anagramming].
Davezilla: “First off, how do you start the week?”
Paris Hilton: “I plan or shit.”
Davezilla: “Um, Paris? What are you doing under the table? Drop something?”
Paris Hilton: “Lost hairpin.”
Davezilla: “I heard you once seduced Ralph Lauren.”
Paris Hilton: “I sit on Ralph.”
Davezilla: “Assume I know nothing about hair. What is your current hairstyle called?”
Paris Hilton: “Rhino plaits.”
Davezilla: “Not that I’m interested, but what do you look for in a man?”
Paris Hilton: “A hip nostril.”
Davezilla: “Why do you keep scratching yourself down there?”
Paris Hilton: “Loin pit rash.”
Davezilla: “What was it like back home?”
Paris Hilton: “A Hilt prison.”
Davezilla: “Describe your typical evening in the NYC bar scene.”
Paris Hilton: “I nip harlots.”
Davezilla: “How do you get a taxi in New York?”
Paris Hilton: “Strip! No, hail!”
Davezilla: “What do you wear when you’re slumming it?”
Paris Hilton: “Oil pan shirt.”
Davezilla: “Describe your best friend, Nicole Ritchie.”
Paris Hilton: “Hip oral snit.”
Davezilla: “I’ve heard you are insistent that your friends refer to you as thin, not skinny…”
Paris Hilton: “Thin! Or I slap.”
Davezilla: “With a CD under your belt, would you list singer as your greatest accomplishment?”
Paris Hilton: “Ha! I list porn.”
Picture and title by Ryland. Words by moi.
