Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

1. I promise not to roll my cats in powdered cheese.
2. I will not randomly dial extensions at work and tell coworkers they’ve been let go.
3. I resolve not to post any pictures of myself in a thong.
4. I promise not to mistake cat laxatives for toothpaste at Natalie’s house.
5. I will not invite Shannen Doherty and Danny Bonaduce over for weekenders anymore.
6. I resolve to cover your voles in glitter!
7. I promise to finish building my Tiki palace (You think I’m kidding).
8. I promise not to mistake Starr Jones for a passing Goodyear Blimp.
9. I promise to visit at least one tacky tourist attraction a month next year. And post pictures.
10. I promise to marry that hot Canadian woman I’ve been seeing.

Image via Tiny Ninjas

Do not let David mistake Phoebe’s cat laxative for toothpaste. Again.

Snowfall Edition

After a conversation with my new coworker Jim, I was inspired to rerun an old post on the topic:

• I got over nine inches last night.
• Man, that white stuff is covering everything. I can barely see my own car!
• I love when it lands on my tongue.
• Go on. Lick that pole. I dare ya.
• I got so wet playing with it.
• Don’t rub that in your sister’s face!
• Dammit! You got it all over my new pants.
• It’s even soaked through my shoes.
• This isn’t the soft, fluffy kind. It’s hard, wet and you can pack it down.
• Once it gets all dirty and mushy, I get sick just looking at it.
• Sometimes when I get hot, I rub some down my neck.
• My children love rolling in it, but I make them wear gloves so they don’t catch anything.
• It’s so deep now, you can tunnel through it
• Don’t yell too loudly. It’ll all come down and cover you. We’ll have to call in some dogs.
• Don’t put your tongue on it or it’ll get stuck. You want your Mom to see you like that?

Do not touch black sweater with running electric toothbrush. Again.