Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

With or without stretch, nothing loves your body like our __________ .

1. I would like to build a popcorn-powered car. It would make a pleasing sound when driving and the exhaust would be tasty and make small birds happy.
2. Teeth never inflate when you inhale, cause that would look really stupid.
3. I’m glad it never rains skunks and porcupines.
4. I heard someone say that we need to pray for peace. Except I thought she said, peas. So I prayed for peas. Then I had some for dinner. I’m glad I prayed for those peas, cause they were good.
5. Whose bad idea was it to make a corn popsicle?

Me: I’ll have a cappuccino with an extra shot.
Barista: That’ll be $4.03.
Me: [hands her a $20]
Barista: Don’t you have anything smaller?
Me: Yes, I have some nickels.
Barista: …