Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

Have you read about the ridiculous goings-on in Georgia schools? They are actually placing “evolution is a theory” stickers in science books? If not, here is the actual sticker being placed into high school science books (Yes, in this century).

This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered. — SOURCE

I have several problems with this. For one thing, never delude a child. For another, I get so tired of Creationists saying ridiculous things like, “Dinosaurs weren’t real,” “Dinosaurs were put on earth to test our faith,” or “There’s only a few of them, you can’t really prove anything by a few scattered remains.” Sigh. If you have to prove a murder, you first have to produce a body. We have the bodies. We have hundreds of thousands of them. But I digress…

I suggest we make up our own stickers. Just for fun.

1. This textbook contains material on carpentry. Woodworking is a theory, practiced by Jesus of Nazareth, not a fact, regarding the creation of wooden furniture. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and not undertaken without OSHA-approved safety glasses.
2. This textbook contains material on The Matrix. The Matrix is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of the machine takeover. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered before taking the red pill.
3. This textbook contains material on Narnia. Naria is a story, not a fact, regarding the origin of an imaginary land. This material should be approached with a child’s mind, studied carefully, and critically considered, especially as it is a pagan novel written by a professed Christian. Never mind that one of the central protagonists is a faun, a creature considered to be Satan by most Christians.

Your turn.

Was eating in a local Mexican chain and the New Age Hippie Beast next to me in line carried on the following conversation:

Line Cook (LC): What would you like, Ma’am?
New Age Hippie Beast (NAHB): I want … that vegetable grilled buh-meeta?
LC: Fajita?
NAHB: That’s the one.
LC: What kind of salsa would you like on it?
NAHB: What kind do you have?
LC: Mild, Medium, Hot and Corn Salsa.
NAHB: I’ll have Ranch.
LC: We … don’t have Ranch.
NAHB: I saw the word Ranch somewhere.
LC: Here?
NAHB: Maybe it was at home.
LC: OK, well we don’t have Ranch.
NAHB: OK, well which one is like Ranch?
LC: None of them, really.
NAHB: Is there Ranch?

With or without stretch, nothing loves your body like our __________ .