Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

My neighbors are, for lack of a better term, fucking insane. Their latest venture? Well I’m not quite sure what this is.

I have a few guesses.

1. Stairwell Cozy
2. The latest piece by Christo’s dwarf brother, Crusto
3. Second place winner in the 1974 Ugly Scarf Competition
4. The curtains for Staircase Puppet Theatre
5. A hot mitt in case the action on the stairs gets too hot to handle

And your guess is?

Sabretooth Persian

“Why, you dirty rotten _______ poker!”

Thuisrday, 11am
dear deadjournal readers,

this may be the last u hear from me. no, i promise no more suicide attempts. 3 years in a row and kurt cobain STILL hasn’t contacted me. wanker. i’m sure u smell real good now, kurt. as good as courtney’s ruby starfruit. lol!!

i fear this is the end. it’s thanksgiving today and my parent are dragging me to my enormous carpenter aunt’s house for dinner. her food is sheer microwaved venom. i will surely perish. if so, please leave my ipod to kyle (*smooch*) and my hissing cockroach is to be let loose in my english lit class.

your slice of hell,
elspeth

Thuirsday, 2pm
dear deadjournal readers,

u guys are hella cool. thankz for the supporting ims though even i cannot stoop to putting bleach in the gravy. again. last time i tried that my cavebiyatch grounded me from playing dragonball z for four days!!! not going through that again. that is just plain crewel. i should sue my mom for neglect. that would sooo rule. lol!! btw, i am posting this from my hiptop. i had to beg the cavebiyatch into buying this for me. noob. connection sux my dik.

your teddy grizzly bear,
elspeth

Thuirsday, 6pm
dear deadjournal readers,

am nearly dead. carpenter aunt made us green bean asserole. my ass is going to pay for even smelling it. the carpenter aunt has become a vegan. should i be elated or hate her more?? i say hate and here’s why. tofurkey is the devil. if i snotted into a cup of burning yogurt and basted it with contraceptive jelly it couldn’t taste worse. remind me to give birth to killer bees and set them loose on my family. have a festive holiday.

your camqueen,
elspeth