Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

[SCENE: Mariko sushi restaurant in Toronto]

Davezilla: Did you see what just walked in?
Natalie: Unfortunately.

[15 minutes later]

Natalie: I swear I can actually hear her eating!
Davezilla: I can, too. Oh Gawd. Don’t turn around.

Natalie: What? What’s it doing?
Davezilla: Trust me. You do not want to know!

Natalie: OK, well tell me when we leave.

[15 minutes later]

Natalie: You were going to tell me of the horror you witnessed.
Davezilla: Gawd. Ready for this? That sound you heard, that was the shrimp tempura being sucked in, two at a time.

Natalie: Hold me, Dave!

When you can hear sushi being eaten by someone 15 feet away, assume it will look as disgusting as it sounds and resist the temptation to gawk. [More details on this later. It’s worth it.]