Home Cooked Meals #1

29 August, 2004 Latest: rust, Esther, Spud, Mandy, Frisko,

On many occasions I have mentioned my downstairs neighbors that hail from Albania. They have some recipes that give one pause as to their immediate origin. In time, one begins to identify the unique and fetid aromas that waft miasmatically from their kitchen. I thought I’d share the wealth with my readers and provide you, periodically with home recipes from my downstairs denizens.

Toad Melt

  • 2 c. No-brand baking mix
  • 1/3 c. dog milk
  • 1 large toad, chopped and drained
  • 1/2 c. finely chopped crabgrass
  • 1/3 c. expired mayonnaise
  • 2 tbsp. mud relish
  • 6 slices Albanian donkey cheese
Heat oven to 450 degrees. Mix baking mix, 1/3 cup mayonnaise and the milk until a rotten dough forms; beat vigorously with a brick for 30 seconds. Turn onto surface floured with baking mix. Knead 10 times. Pat the toad chunks into a rectangle, 12″x8″, on a rusty cookie sheet. Bake until alarms go off; about 80 minutes. Mix remaining ingredients except cheese. Spread over hot rectangle. Top with donkey cheese slices. Bake until filling is hot and cheese is melted, about 5 minutes. Serves 17 live-in relatives.

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9 comments:

  1. Natalie, 29, August 2004, 0:17 |  

    Do they harvest the toads themselves, or do they buy them in bulk at Meijer?

     
  2. Davezilla, 29, August 2004, 0:20 |  
    Davezilla

    Nah, they simply trap them. Toads breed naturally in their living room.

     
  3. rust, 29, August 2004, 0:55 |  
    rust

    how can they afford to import donkey cheese from Albania? isn’t a domestic product GOOD enough for them? they make donkey cheese in mexico, don’t they?

    what’s so great about albanian donkeys?

    I figger they should get their cheese the old fashioned way: :boobs: :boobs: — just the way Mom used to make it.

     
  4. Esther, 29, August 2004, 1:50 |  
    Esther

    You had me until Albanian donkey cheese. Everyone knows the best donkey cheese comes from blind donkeys in Nepal.

     
  5. Esther, 29, August 2004, 1:59 |  
    Esther

    Oh, as for the ’smallest penis’ link, that was the strangest site I think I’ve seen in quite some time. Captivating, but strange.

     
  6. Spud, 29, August 2004, 8:47 |  
    Spud

    Toad Melt

    Does that come with coffee? :java:

     
  7. Mandy, 29, August 2004, 13:55 |  
    Mandy

    Dave, should we infer anthing by Natalie giving you a link to the Man with the smallest penis in existence? Is she dropping a hint? :wtf:

     
  8. Frisko, 29, August 2004, 22:31 |  

    How soon before the peniszilla emocon Natalie requested appears?

     
  9. Davezilla, 29, August 2004, 23:16 |  
    Davezilla

    I guess I’ll have to appease you ladies and make that penis icon. :roll: