Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

18 comments:

1. Natalie, 26, August 2004, 0:04 |  
   Smooooth.

    
2. Natalie, 26, August 2004, 0:07 |  
   Another potential distraction would have been, “did you see those bikinis the vollyball teams were wearing?”

   Or, just “Bikinis. Is nice.”

    
3. kismet, 26, August 2004, 1:04 |  
   Why is Nick limping? Did he hurt himself?

    
4. Esther, 26, August 2004, 1:25 |  
   Too bad Yoda wasn’t around to translate for you, Dave.

    
5. ReV.JeLLyBaBy, 26, August 2004, 4:39 |  
   Well it seems our cousins from overseas are finding it universally difficult to communicate with us natives. But in all honesty, can you say “nice car” and discuss the Olympics in Albanian?

   Then again would you want to anyway?

   I have a similar problem with the Sri Lankan women (she has a thing for me) in my local corner shop and the conversational transcript below will show why:

   Me: “Hello.”

   Her: “Sorry, but I am a Catholic.”

   Me: “Really. That’s great?”

   Her: “Do you have mangoes?”

   Me: “No, it’s just the way I walk.”

   Her: “Huh? You are walking like a mango. That’s a funny joke, like a funny (laughter)”

   Me: “Yes. Something like……”

   Her: “ Go, man go!….that sounds like a funny mango happy time joking too!(more annoying laughter)”

   Me: “Yes very funny…bye now.”

   Her: “Yes have a nice day. See you next day!”

   I actually HAVE to go into the shop on a daily basis now for my intake of funny and happy fun times, so in some strange masochistic way I concluded that I must enjoy the cheery banter and general lack of service.

   Maybe I come for the shopping experience and stay for the humour eh?

   

    
6. Anna, 26, August 2004, 5:04 |  
   @Dave: me foreigner. Me like wockey.
   (Gna, Holland ’s got a chance at two gold medals). We all love wockey.
   @Rev: ‘our cousins from overseas’??? Buddy, you are one (to them yanks).

    
7. ReV.JeLLyBaBy, 26, August 2004, 5:21 |  
   Dearest Anna,

   Would it not be a logical step to consider anyone from another country, now living in your country, as a “cousin from overseas”?

   Or do we prefer the term “illegal immigrant”?

   Or “sufferer of greencard deficientcy”?

   

    
8. Davezilla, 26, August 2004, 6:33 |  
   America is the melting pot of the world, Rev.

   It’s called that because it is so fricking hot in the summer that Europeans melt as soon as they get off the plane.

    
9. Spud, 26, August 2004, 6:41 |  
   Another possibilty of the get car thing could be lost in translation.

   It sounds awfully like aussie slang for `gidday another way of saying hello there old chap

   or maybe not

   

    
10. Nikki, 26, August 2004, 6:58 |  
    Kismet wins. :java:

     
11. ReV.JeLLyBaBy, 26, August 2004, 9:38 |  
    England is often seen as a “soft touch” for most immigrants. Tony Blair also described Britain as a melting pot for cultural diversity.

    I personally think you can never have enough Jamaican drug dealers, Nigerian pimps, Russian mafia and Ukrainian benefit fraudsters in our green and pleasant land. Hey and lets not forget those lovable muggers and rapists.

    

     
12. mikeB, 26, August 2004, 13:40 |  
    I want some of those haircuts so I can be on Dave’s freaks site.

     
13. rust, 26, August 2004, 15:00 |  
    C’mon, Dave. Go easy on the Albanians.

    Invite them to Starbucks for a :java: and make small talk with them. Suggest a photo session on the streets of Royal Oak with them doing everyday tasks: buying grease, polishing the welcome mat, meeting with their compatriots across town and eating strange foods at ethnicly unidentifiable restaurants.

    Enjoy their bizarre willingness to fit into a culture that barely makes sense to their continental sensibilities.

    Take into account that their strange speech patterns are the result of hundreds of generations of in-breeding in mountainous terrain, cut-off from civilization as we know it.

    Why can’t we all just… get along?

     
14. Vinny, 26, August 2004, 19:30 |  
    on the link of the day site, tans barbers, click “about tan” it’s quite a story.

     
15. Lace Valentine, 26, August 2004, 21:42 |  
    USAMA BIN LADEN ACCIDENTLY CALLS DAVE’S ALBANIAN NEIGHBOR

    Usama: It is the Bird of Paradise here. Ali?

    Albanian neighbor: Get Car.

    Usama: Yes, and make the car bombs yourself and park it directly in the airport garage.

    Albanian neighbor: Get Car. New. Is. Get Car.

    Usama: No! Not a new car. Never new. Rent older model. We don’t want the Crusaders to notice you. A new car may attract the materialist Americans. No wax either. It is made from bones of heathen animals. Rent car that is still dusty. Do not wear perfumes either. Do not play American musical soda pop in car. Islam forbids it.

    Albanian neighbor: Is nice get car.

    Usama: Yes, get car. Please. Today.

    Albanian neighbor: You watch Olympuh-nick?

    Usama: The caves of Kashmir keep no t.v. I am told we could not get a cell into the Olympic stadiums.

    Albanian neighbor: Yes. Wolley vall. They lose.

    Usama: I do not care. I do not care for wolley vall. Get car today and it must asplode tonight.

    Albanian neighbor: Get car. Nice.

    Usama: Yes… night.

     
16. Esther, 26, August 2004, 22:19 |  
    Lace Valentine wins.

     
17. Natalie, 27, August 2004, 1:14 |  
    Lace Valentine wins for most creative use of icons ever on this blog.

     
18. Swarthy Big-Nosed Guy, 29, August 2004, 9:11 |  
    Cars are part of the ZIONIST conspiracy againgst goats, my mother & camels!

    Cars are HARAM & evil & perhaps even JEWISH!!!

    Okay…Okay…I just hate cars cause there are no drive-in mosques here in Bugtussle, Tennessee!