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On many occasions I have mentioned my downstairs neighbors that hail from Albania. They have some recipes that give one pause as to their immediate origin. In time, one begins to identify the unique and fetid aromas that waft miasmatically from their kitchen. I thought I’d share the wealth with my readers and provide you, periodically with home recipes from my downstairs denizens.

Toad Melt

• 2 c. No-brand baking mix
• 1/3 c. dog milk
• 1 large toad, chopped and drained
• 1/2 c. finely chopped crabgrass
• 1/3 c. expired mayonnaise
• 2 tbsp. mud relish
• 6 slices Albanian donkey cheese

Heat oven to 450 degrees. Mix baking mix, 1/3 cup mayonnaise and the milk until a rotten dough forms; beat vigorously with a brick for 30 seconds. Turn onto surface floured with baking mix. Knead 10 times. Pat the toad chunks into a rectangle, 12″x8″, on a rusty cookie sheet. Bake until alarms go off; about 80 minutes. Mix remaining ingredients except cheese. Spread over hot rectangle. Top with donkey cheese slices. Bake until filling is hot and cheese is melted, about 5 minutes. Serves 17 live-in relatives.

Image via Defective Yeti