or “Watch out for that A-1 asshat, who will break up with you in McDonald’s, and then ask why you’ve stopped eating.”
(True story, btw)
Anna, 21, July 2004, 3:15 |
So you’ve never met MY mother. She actually did say alot of similar things.
The only thing she never said though was ‘go forth and do drugs’ … how uncool is THAT!!
ReV.JeLLYBaBY, 21, July 2004, 6:25 |
When I was a small boy, I would often receive “pearls of wisdom†from my grandmother.
Whilst carrying my skateboard she would often shout out a comment like “You’ll have someone’s eye out with that!â€
I have never heard of a skateboard/eye related accident in my life, but proceeded with caution nevertheless.
She was after all, older and wiser than me and had probably seen her fair share of skateboard impalements and missing eyes.
Other gems included “If you fall off that wall and break your legs. DON’T come running to me!â€
Again, although impossible, I subconsciously stored it in my memory banks.
The visual image of me stuck under the garden wall like Humpty Dumpty with no means of attracting help would give me nightmares well into my teenage years.
“You’ll get a cold walking about like that!†was her particular favourite in mid summer or how about “If you keep pulling faces and the wind changes. Your face will stay like thatâ€.
OR
Did you know that if you lie, a little goblin will come and take your tongue away to the goblin err……tongue town?
You have been warned.
ReV.JeLLYBaBY, 21, July 2004, 6:33 |
P.S
There was one more thing she also said on her hospital bed that has always stuck with me.
“When I die, if you look in the sky at night, one of the stars will twinkle. That ones me looking down on you.”
Funnily I always remember that one and somewhere in my heart, I actually think it may be true or at least.
I’m sure my mother would say all of those things, if only she thought of them. For instance, a recent incident:
She comes over to visit and brings me some pots and pans.
I say: “But mom, I don’t need them and I don’t want to wash them.” (Hey, anything that I can say to minimize the amount of dishwashing I have to do I will do).
Her reply: “But your knee hurts!”
Apparently having excess pots and pans is a cure for knee pain.
or “Watch out for that A-1 asshat, who will break up with you in McDonald’s, and then ask why you’ve stopped eating.”
(True story, btw)
So you’ve never met MY mother. She actually did say alot of similar things.
The only thing she never said though was ‘go forth and do drugs’ … how uncool is THAT!!
When I was a small boy, I would often receive “pearls of wisdom†from my grandmother.
Whilst carrying my skateboard she would often shout out a comment like “You’ll have someone’s eye out with that!â€
I have never heard of a skateboard/eye related accident in my life, but proceeded with caution nevertheless.
She was after all, older and wiser than me and had probably seen her fair share of skateboard impalements and missing eyes.
Other gems included “If you fall off that wall and break your legs. DON’T come running to me!â€
Again, although impossible, I subconsciously stored it in my memory banks.
The visual image of me stuck under the garden wall like Humpty Dumpty with no means of attracting help would give me nightmares well into my teenage years.
“You’ll get a cold walking about like that!†was her particular favourite in mid summer or how about “If you keep pulling faces and the wind changes. Your face will stay like thatâ€.
OR
Did you know that if you lie, a little goblin will come and take your tongue away to the goblin err……tongue town?
You have been warned.
P.S
There was one more thing she also said on her hospital bed that has always stuck with me.
“When I die, if you look in the sky at night, one of the stars will twinkle. That ones me looking down on you.”
Funnily I always remember that one and somewhere in my heart, I actually think it may be true or at least.
I hope so.
“What stars are those, Mr. Scientist?”
“Why that’s Cygnus. Oh and that’s Arcturus right next to the Grandma JeLLYBaBY Nebulae.”
Carefull Dave,
My grandmother said that if you look at the stars too much, goblins will take your eye out with a skateboard!
My mother always used to say “if you don’t eat your crusts you won’t get curly hair”
I didn’t, but I did.
However she did used to say “go play in the street”
Mine was carrots being somehow linked to having hairs on your chest!
I wonder what eating cucumber is supposed to do?
I wonder what eating cucumber is supposed to do?
Well, I’d tell you, but that’s a trade secret.
Your trade somehow being connected with cucumbers?
Dave your not moonlighting as a greengrocer again are you?
Now I always thought of Spud as being a person with curls …. all over ~runs like hell~
“Don’t worry about wearing clean underwear. If you get in an accident they’ll be soiled anyway.”
“Yes, that *is* an impressive booger Billy.”
“Playing with that too often will make it grow longer.”
Mmmmmm, cucumber…
Oh my.
Mother also said “stop it or you’ll go blind”
*tap tap tap*
“Playing with that too often will make it grow longer.â€
Is that what caused it…
I think mother was refering to sitting too close to the Tv screen. ;)
I’m sure my mother would say all of those things, if only she thought of them. For instance, a recent incident:
She comes over to visit and brings me some pots and pans.
I say: “But mom, I don’t need them and I don’t want to wash them.” (Hey, anything that I can say to minimize the amount of dishwashing I have to do I will do).
Her reply: “But your knee hurts!”
Apparently having excess pots and pans is a cure for knee pain.