Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

1. He wears a tattered and threadbare tunic with a brand new red scarf.
2. Isn’t aware that green hair is so 1979.
3. Won’t let us see what Mrs. Giant looks like.
4. Responsible for the accidental stepping deaths of 23 American farmers each year.
5. His urine stream causes local flooding.
6. The Giant’s enormous fingers are the reason for all those dented cans on the shelves.
7. Dandruff often mistaken for major hailstorm.
8. Claims to have never heard of the Chupacabra
9. His scarf is long enough to be one of Christo’s works.
10. Little Sprout is always trying to upskirt him.

It is the job of an advertising mascot to amuse us and help us remember a particular product. Unfortunately, most of them serve only to annoy the bejeezus out of us. All week I will be getting out my aggressions on the mascots we’ve come to hate.

I detest the Arby’s Oven Mitt and the Hamburger Helper Hand and want to see them turned into a voodoo poppet and hand of glory, respectively.